tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-54373223481493559922023-11-15T08:20:33.223-08:00our tiny baby stepsA journey in expanding our familyPaper Butterflyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15917710909746254874noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5437322348149355992.post-15639448745613951802018-06-16T18:40:00.000-07:002018-06-16T18:40:02.974-07:00Where we are nowWe have just said goodbye to our little niece after another day/night of babysitting. She is 17 months old, a bundle of energy, cuteness (and stubbornness!!) and is the light of our lives. We babysat her overnight while my sister and her husband went into the city for the night. Now that she is gone, I feel a bit empty. I feel like while she is here I have a purpose, things are fun and busy and noisy, and I miss her terribly when she goes back home again.<br />
I'm lucky that I get to spend so much time with her, taking care of her and doing things like playing with our dogs, going for walks or even running errands. I watch her once a fortnight on my day off. She gets dropped off and I get an entire day to feel a bit of what it might be like to be a mother. It's a very bittersweet feeling. That day always seems to go so much faster than the other 13 in the fortnight.<br />
<br />
I started this blog at a positive time. When I had hope that sometime in the near future, I would most likely be living my dreams. I had no real reason why I shouldn't. It all came down to how hard I worked at it.<br />
Well, over two years later and those dreams are still not realised. I'm not a mum yet, and the possibility that I will be seems a lot lower than it was back then.<br />
<br />
Not that long after my last post, I had an appointment with the hospital, and so began the tests. Oh, the tests! Painful, uncomfortable, undignified and just horrible. I had a fluid test of my tubes (possibly the most excruciating thing I've ever had done, where they inserted a balloon through my cervix to try and find out if my tubes are blocked. Worse than the pain was that they couldn't get a clear view so the results were inconclusive there). We got the bad news that my fibroid is huge and must be surgically removed. That I would likely not be able to sustain a pregnancy if I were to fall pregnant with it there still. Unfortunately, I was still too heavy to do the surgery laparoscopically and so would need to continue to lose weight and do the removal closer to the time when we are ready to start IVF. They did a hysteroscopy and D&C to try and hold off some of the more severe fibroid symptoms (like extremely heavy bleeding and pain). Unfortunately, I've found no difference since the procedure.<br />
<br />
Then we found out that my husband has a low sperm count, with low motility. The chances of us falling pregnant naturally are extremely unlikely. So we will need IVF, surgical sperm retrieval (which probably will only work once) and likely a procedure called ICSI (where the 'good' sperm is selected and injected directly into an egg to fertilise it). Oh, and hubby has been doing really well. He's a normal weight now for his height and has officially lost over 1/2 of his body weight. I'm so proud of him (just frustrated that I'm not there yet myself)!<br />
<br />
It was right around the time we finished the fertility tests that I started to have more issues with my lap band. I was throwing up regularly, with reflux that was making me cough and splutter through the night, and pain while eating. A gastroscopy found that I had a pouch formed above the band, where the oesophagus had stretched out. The surgeon told me it was most likely from the band being too tight and still trying to eat. I felt really ashamed; like it was my fault that it had gone 'wrong' and now I would need the lap band removed. The surgeon gave me the option of either having another lap band placed, or I could try gastric sleeve instead.<br />
Given all the issues my husband had after his gastric sleeve surgery (and that even at this point in time, he is still recovering in some ways), it made for an agonising decision. I didn't want the same issues to come up with another lap band...the constant adjustments of fluid, the rules and restrictions in eating, and how sensitive it was to my stress and hormone levels. In the end, I thought that gastric sleeve would be the best solution for me long term. It had a higher chance of getting to the weight that I needed to be for IVF and less day to day issues it seemed.<br />
<br />
So here I am, more than two years later and 6 months after having the gastric sleeve. I've been through some really rough times. I got very depressed after my lap band came out. I put on nearly all the weight that I had lost and have had to lose it all over again. I've lost almost 40kg now and am at around 114kg at the moment. Things have slowed down some. Initially, the weight loss was very quick.<br />
I have also developed a hernia at the incision site of my previous surgery that requires another surgery to repair it. That's been booked for next month. I've been restricted on how much I can lift until it's fixed (and then for about 8 weeks afterwards), so no gym for the moment. Once I can go back, I hope that I can start shifting the weight a bit faster again.<br />
I'm still about 25kg away from being able to have the fibroid removal surgery and hopefully start IVF soon after that, but I'm feeling more positive about it all. I will get there eventually. I only hope that once we do get there, and have been through multiple surgeries and all this pain and time, that we will eventually see our dreams realised.<br />
<br />
I saw a quote this morning... Hope changes everything. I think that is definitely true.<br />
<br />Paper Butterflyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15917710909746254874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5437322348149355992.post-39440852538580871432016-02-14T16:57:00.000-08:002016-02-14T16:57:29.396-08:00ProgressI wish I could say things got better after my last post. The last few months have been a crazy rollercoaster of emotions. Hubby came home Sep 28th only to go back to hospital a few days later. The leak had not resolved itself. After another 2 weeks in hospital he returned home again, only to again head back after a few days. The leak had returned and he'd got an infection as well.<br />
Finally, there was no option but for him to have gastric bypass surgery in early November, removing his whole stomach and rerouting the esophagus to the intestine. The recovery time has been long, windy and horrible for him, as well as myself. He's still not back to normal, getting weak and dizzy often and not able to walk very far right now. He's back at work 4 days a week though, so that shows his progress.<br />
In the five and a half months since his initial surgery, he's lost 45kg.<br />
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<h3>
My progress</h3>
<br />
As for my progress, the stress took it's toll greatly. I was diagnosed with depression and suspected anxiety. I've been getting treatment, both medication and counselling, and I think it's helping. My weight loss stalled for a while. The band had become too tight again due to the stress and anxiety and I had to have even more fluid removed after Christmas. I then gave into my cravings and comforted myself with a lot of naughty 'slider' foods. I managed to put on 4 or so kilos in the month after Christmas.<br />
<br />
Last week I went back to the doctor and had some fluid put back in. I think I'd rather try to deal with the stress using the mindfulness techniques the counsellor gave me and be a bit tight at times, rather than being loose, hungry all the time and feeling out of control. In the past week I've lost almost 3.5kg and am down to 118.5kg. Darn water-retaining carbs!<br />
<br />
Last Saturday was my 1 year anniversary since the day I had my band placed. So far I've lost about 35kg. Considering everything that's happened this past year, I'm pretty happy with that. Onward and downward!<br />
<br />Paper Butterflyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15917710909746254874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5437322348149355992.post-70558976330121853902015-10-02T23:45:00.000-07:002015-10-02T23:47:23.642-07:00Things Are HappeningA lot has happened since I last posted. Hubby went in for gastric sleeve surgery on September 1st. We arrived bright and early, excited and nervous... he finally left hospital on September 28th. Yes, 4 weeks later.<br />
Unfortunately, he was one of the unlucky 1 percent of patients who develop a post-operative leak. For the gastric sleeve operation, about two thirds of the stomach is removed and what is left is stitched together. With all that stitching, there was always a risk of a small hole forming. So they moved him back to nil by mouth to let it heal and put a drain in to get rid of any fluid that builds up. Even though he's home now, he has a nurse visit every day to hook him up to IV antibiotics and empty his drain (yuck!!).<br />
Those 4 weeks were pretty horrible. Not knowing what was happening day to day, visiting him each day after work, being worried out of my mind but having to carry on. I'm so glad he's home now. We can see the light at the end of the tunnel, even if it's not quite here yet.<br />
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<h3>
Too Tight!</h3>
<br />
All this stress had another impact on me, my band tightened up and I could hardly get any good foods down. I lived on sliders a little too much. Easy to eat casseroles, soups, yoghurts, ice cream and, I'm ashamed to say, chocolate. I didn't really put on any weight (only 1.5kg), but it stopped me from losing for those weeks.<br />
Last week I managed to get in to see my doctor and got the last bit (0.2ml) removed again. And it made all the difference! I can eat salad. grilled or roast chicken, mince, vegetables and all sorts of things. I've already lost 1kg and I'm sure when I get back to the gym I will catch back up again.<br />
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<h3>
Baby Stuff</h3>
<br />
On the baby front, I am still (!!) waiting to hear about an appointment with the local public hospital, so that I can get what my GP called a 'clean out'. Since my ultrasound a while back (March, I think) showed that I have uterine polyps and fibroids, he thinks that these may be preventing implantation and that getting a small procedure done to clean everything out could help.<br />
<br />
We also had a bit of trouble with hubby's semen analysis. The first sample got lost and wasn't tested. (How on earth does this happen, anyway??) So he had to give another.<br />
Now that hubby is out of hospital, we went to get the results yesterday. The count was a lot lower than normal, but hubby's GP does not believe it's so low that we can't get pregnant. But that coupled with my issues, could definitely explain why it hasn't happened for us yet. So we've been told to keep trying, get my procedure done and then if it hasn't happened in a while after that, we may have to start looking at IVF.<br />
<br />
The mere thought of doing IVF has me in tears. We'd been told for so long that the problem would just be our weight, that we didn't really think about the fact that it could be something else. Because when you walk into a GP office at our size and say you can't get pregnant, let's face it. Your weight IS the obvious answer.<br />
But we have to stay positive. I know that one day, no matter what, we will be parents. So for now we must focus on getting healthier for our future children.Paper Butterflyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15917710909746254874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5437322348149355992.post-44901879632386333732015-08-19T00:07:00.000-07:002015-08-19T00:07:16.714-07:00The down sideSo I've got back on track... I almost wrote 'gotten' but heard my mother's voice telling me "Gotten's not a word". I remember being pretty adamant that it was at the time, but of course I was only about 14.<br />
<br />
<h3>
Fill</h3>
<br />
Another appointment at the surgeon's office and another fill of 0.2ml. I didn't think I'd felt much change in restriction over the weekend but then had a couple of bites of pasta on Monday for lunch (which I've been fine with in the past as long as there was enough sauce) and of course it gets stuck. A half hour before a meeting at work. Damn it! I spent the next 20 or so minutes vomiting in the ladies room as discretely as possible, the whole half hour meeting feeling sore and sick, then the rest of the afternoon so nauseated I was afraid to talk to anyone. I ended up having to leave a little early so that I could go rest somewhere quietly until being picked up by hubby.<br />
In the past it's usually only been a few hours or so and then I would be feeling better but I'm on day 3 now and still only able to get liquids down. So this is the down side of having the band. I was so sick yesterday I couldn't even get liquids down until after lunch.<br />
It is days like that when I wonder if it's worth it...and then I hop on the scales in the morning and they have moved and I know it is. The bad days fade into the background when you have lots of good days too.<br />
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<h3>
Progress</h3>
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As of today, I've lost 27.8kg and am over half way to my first major goal (double digits!!). I'm very proud as it's taken a lot of hard work to get here. I haven't been perfect. I don't always choose the right foods, I don't always exercise, but I always get back on the horse and try to do better the next day. The weight isn't going to come off as easily as it does for some lap banders, but I've accepted that now. I'm going to have to work hard and it will come off slowly and I will eventually reach my goals. One day at a time.<br />
<br />
<br />Paper Butterflyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15917710909746254874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5437322348149355992.post-81355676836974580142015-08-12T02:20:00.000-07:002015-08-12T02:20:06.318-07:00Being sick sucksCan't believe it's been more than 3 weeks since I last posted. I've managed to put on 1.4kg since my last post. In that time, I've been sick with a virus for a few weeks, been diagnosed with pretty low iron and this week managed to put out my back. The physio says I've probably got a bit of a bulging disc.<br />
Needless to say, it's painful, annoying, and I haven't been to the gym lately. It's got me a bit down and I haven't made the best food choices. I'm hoping that since bad things come in threes, that's me for a while.<br />
<br />
As of today though, I've had another fill. 0.2ml in again. I can't feel any difference yet but I'm on liquids for the next couple of days. Hopefully after that it will help curb my hunger. Then of course it's up to me to manage my head hunger.<br />
I've seen a psychologist to get some help on that front, she has gone through some tactics like distraction, mindfullness and talking through issues.<br />
They are all going to take some work. But as they say, Rome wasn't built in a day. I didn't put on this weight quickly and I'm not going to lose it quickly. I have already lost more weight than I ever have before. I just have to stay on track and keep a view to the ultimate goal.<br />
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<h3>
Surgery Twins</h3>
<br />
Hubby has got his date for surgery - September 1!!! He found out a few days before he needed to start the pre-op diet. He's been on it for about a week and a half, so nearly half way there! He's doing amazingly well. I think back to my pre-op diet and I'm pretty sure I complained the entire time. He just takes it in his stride and I'm so proud of him. It's super hard, I know, but he'll make it and do so well.<br />
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<h3>
On the baby front</h3>
<br />
So, the pathology lost hubby's sample for testing and I'm really pissed off. To give a semen sample is not a simple task it seems, it needs to be timed - you can't just drop it off any time of the day because they are not tested on site. He needs to um, 'prepare' the sample at home, take it to the centre within 10 minutes (or something like that) and drop it off within a half hour of the time they get picked up. It essentially means he needs to do it on a day off (during the week). Not easy.<br />
<br />
So crossing fingers for getting another sample to them during our week off soon!<br />
<br />
<h3>
Holidays</h3>
<br />
We've booked in a holiday in November. We're crossing off a bucket list item and doing a road trip across to another state. So we're going from Melbourne to Adelaide, stopping off at a few places on the way. We'll take 3 days to get there and 2 days to get home, with about 10 days spent in Adelaide.<br />
I'm so looking forward to it. I've set a mini goal for myself, to lose another 9kgs and get under my pre-wedding weight by then.Paper Butterflyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15917710909746254874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5437322348149355992.post-57341354270398339352015-07-18T16:56:00.005-07:002015-07-18T16:56:37.316-07:00Life moves onIt's been a few months since I last posted. I've been stuck into living life and things have been really busy. I think I need to make a time to regularly blog or else it just doesn't get done.<br />
<br />
<h3>
Family </h3>
<br />
In the last few months, lots has been happening the family. My grandmother was diagnosed with Lewy Body Dementia, from what I understand, it's something like Alzheimer's and Parkinson's. She is still in the hospital while they sort out a medication that helps her. At the moment she swings from having very good days to very bad days.<br />
My grandfather (her husband) has also had a hip replacement in this time. He's always been impatient, but somehow he went from being told his hospital stay would be for 3 weeks and then he would be in rehab for at least 3 weeks, to being back home one week and one day after his operation. It's good for him as he's getting his exercise and doing things for himself mostly. He'll do much better with that than he ever would in hospital for all that time.<br />
<br />
Hubby has been to the Alfred a few times, going through the pre-op process as he will be getting Gastric Sleeve surgery. He's been given an estimate of between August and November, so we're happy that it will be so soon. He's keen to get started on his weight loss journey.<br />
<br />
<h3>
Losses</h3>
<br />
Speaking of weight loss, mine is still going rather slowly but I've now accepted that. I don't really deprive myself when I am craving something (except if I physically can't eat it, of course). My weight this week was 127.5, so I've lost 25.7kg in total so far. I'm pretty proud of that. I've gone down a few sizes and I'm about 1/3 of the way to my new goal of 75kg lost. I haven't lost enough yet that I get many comments, but I'm already so much more comfortable with myself that I am excited for how I may feel when I've reached goal.<br />
<br />
I had another fill of 0.2ml and that made a big difference. I now am rarely hungry in the morning, so I usually eat two meals a day plus a snack. I have things that I can no longer eat though. I have trouble with red meat unless it's minced or roasted medium and cut against the grain. I sometimes have trouble with chicken or dry fish and I can't eat potato unless it's mashed with extra milk (and I definitely can't eat chips!!). I have trouble with most bread and cake, so I just stay away from them now - although that's probably not a bad thing!<br />
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<h3>
Gym</h3>
<br />
One good thing was that once I got past my 20kg loss, hubby and I signed up at our local gym. It's actually been great so far. We got some personal training sessions free with joining, so we've used those now to get started. Last week I went to my first group class - Body Pump! It was pretty awesome. I've also been walking a lot during my lunch breaks, plus walking our fur baby.<br />
I never thought I would be this active, but now one of my goals is to get fit, not just skinny.<br />
<br />
<h3>
Things on the Baby Making Front</h3>
<br />
On the baby front, I've been put on a wait list to go to a local Women's Clinic to get a procedure done. My GP found from my ultrasound that I have a thickened wall, cysts (but not enough for a polycystic ovary syndrome diagnosis), and uterine polyps. He's hoping that since I am ovulating, these things could just be preventing implantation and so a 'clean out' procedure may help with this. Crossing fingers I get to go in soon.Paper Butterflyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15917710909746254874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5437322348149355992.post-5406577226357899642015-05-21T15:18:00.000-07:002015-05-21T15:18:17.142-07:00Milestone!Hello all. It's been a while. Life has been busy, I've been sick (throat infection) and feeling like crap, so hadn't been doing so well on the whole weight loss front.<br />
However, I think I've had a bit of an a-ha moment of late. It's come to me that I'm not going to lose this weight by diet alone. I simply have to move more.<br />
Some might say 'duh', but others would know that for some people with a lap band, those first 20-40kg may come off quite quickly. Not for me, it seems.<br />
I am 15 weeks (today) since surgery and in that time, I've lost 8.4kg (so not counting the weight I lost pre-surgery on Optifast) which is just over 500g per week. I've been pretty down with that, as I thought the weight would come off much faster.<br />
However my doc has reminded me that some people lose weight fast, others only start to really lose it after finding the 'sweet spot' (a.k.a the green zone), where the band is working at it's optimal level. This basically means that when I wake up I don't get hungry until 2-4hrs later, I eat (very) small meals that take about 20 minutes to eat and they satisfy for around 3hrs.<br />
<br />
<h3>
Moving</h3>
<br />
So this week, I started moving more. It was partly because I knew I had an appointment at my clinic where they would work out if I needed more fill, partly because I was sick of my own excuses.<br />
<br />
I've got my Fitbit Charge HR (love!) and have been putting in a decent effort to get to my step goal each day. It's currently set to 7000 steps, which I'll gradually increase to 10,000 in time. Baby steps!<br />
I work from home some days, which makes it harder to get those incidental steps in. Especially when I'm busy! But this week I tried out using my butcher's block trolley from my kitchen as a standing desk. So I wasn't sitting all day - I was standing and free to walk on the spot and stretch. It was awesome.<br />
We've dragged the treadmill out too, so I've been using it when I have 10-15 minutes free. It's good as a warm up, when you really want to snuggle on the couch under a blanket on cold mornings!<br />
And of course, our fur-baby has benefited by getting some extra walks (not on the treadmill, it scares her, lol).<br />
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<h3>
Movement at the Station!</h3>
<br />
My weight had been fluctuating around 136-137kg for a couple of weeks, but with my extra diligence this week this morning I weighed in at 133.2. Exactly 20kg less than my highest weight! Yay!<br />
I'm so happy. This is as much weight as I lost for my wedding. I know I still have so much to go, but I'm feeling better that this is the right thing for me and my future.<br />
<br />
Now to keep going! Next mini-goal is to be under 120kg (my weight when I got married).Paper Butterflyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15917710909746254874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5437322348149355992.post-66312628040946401082015-04-15T17:10:00.000-07:002015-04-15T17:11:40.707-07:00Life DerailmentLife has been a bit of mess lately. It's funny how quickly things can change, priorities can be reassessed. We take too much for granted in life.<br />
It sounds melodramatic, but this is how I've felt this week. I thought life was messy before, but at least all of my love ones were healthy(ish) and ok. In the space of a week, two family members have been dealing with serious health issues. One, my father, is in hospital; confused, dangerously sick and in and out of the ICU. The other, my grandmother, is still waiting on a diagnosis of an illness that is possibly a type of dementia.<br />
<br />
Dealing with it has been hard on everyone, but especially hard on my mum. I've taken leave from work and visit one of them each day, which can be heart breaking when you know that you're visiting someone near and dear that is no longer acting like their 'usual' selves.<br />
I've also spent a lot of time helping my mum out with things she hasn't had time or energy for.<br />
I'm so grateful that my work was so accommodating. If I was still having to work full time (and things had been stressful at work), then I don't know how I would be able to cope.<br />
<br />
<h3>
Finding the Silver Lining</h3>
<br />
I've been trying to see the good in things that happen. For me, this whole mess has a silver lining of strengthening our relationships. We've been given a lot of time to catch up and talk as a family. My Mum and I have talked for hours while travelling together in the car to and from the hospital. My sister and brother and I have been keeping in touch. My grandpa and I have been texting each other. Now that Dad is up and talking a bit, we've been catching up too.<br />
<br />
<h3>
Being Thankful</h3>
<br />
I'm so very thankful that Dad is recovering. That we can still talk and I can still hug him.<br />
It will be a long road ahead for him - for all of us. But I know we can make it.<br />
<br />
My grandma is a little harder to visit with. She has lucid times, when she recognises us and things are back to how they have always been. However there are a lot of unsure moments, hallucinations that can be scary to deal with and just general unhappiness at having to stay at a hospital for now.<br />
However I am thankful that the doctors say that they can help her. She may not get back to her old self 100% of the time, but any improvement is a positive to us right now.<br />
<br />
<h3>
On Track? Uh huh</h3>
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As for being on track in terms of diet, well, of course we've had a lot to deal with and I'm not perfect. Ha, far from it. Lots of travelling around, being away from home and in sight of temptation is hard. I've tried to stick to a better diet by making sure I have a healthy snack with me, packing a lunch or dinner if I'll be away that long and if I have to eat somewhere, try and find something small and healthy. I put on a couple of kilos over Easter but have managed to lose it again this week, so I must be doing something right. I would normally turn to food at a time like this but apart from a couple of baked goods that made their way into my tummy, all is good.<br />
<br />
Take care all.<br />
Remember to be grateful and tell your family you love them.<br />
<br />
<br />Paper Butterflyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15917710909746254874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5437322348149355992.post-78016511131346332932015-03-19T13:41:00.000-07:002015-03-19T13:42:35.543-07:00Back on TrackAfter a few rocky weeks I am hopefully getting back on track. It seems silly writing that when I'm only 6 or 7 weeks out from surgery.<br />
One of the things I am realising with this band is that it won't stop me eating the wrong things. Of course, I knew this going into it, but for some reason knowing it in theory and then KNOWING it from experience are two different things.<br />
<br />
Work has been stressful (more than usual) and there are a couple of family things going on that are even too personal to write about on a personal blog. We are also looking at building a house soon, so we're on a budget and trying to save for that. Plus having to think about the band all the time was a bit too much.<br />
I didn't feel any restriction from the band yet and I started eating the wrong things; larger portions, a few 'sliders' here and there, things like that. It's meant that I haven't lost anymore weight.<br />
<br />
<h3>
Laying down the law</h3>
<br />
So I've decided that I'm taking charge again.<br />
There's not much I can do about work right now except be organised and try and stay sane.<br />
There's not a lot I can do about the family issues, except try and put them out of my mind while I'm at work.<br />
We're still looking at houses and my vote is for something cheaper, that still has everything we want but won't make us end up with a ginormous mortgage for the next 30 years.<br />
My mental and physical health though, that has to take priority right now. So I've seen my GP and he's set up Health Care Plans to see both a dietician one on one, as well as a psychologist.<br />
My hope is that I really can take charge and figure out the best strategy for using the band to lose weight, while dealing with some issues that have been around a long time (one of them being that I turn to food when I'm stressed, emotional, tired, bored...).<br />
For the band, I had another fill yesterday of 1ml. It's too soon to tell if it's really working. I was hungry last night, but this morning I'm not (so crossing fingers!). <br />
<br />
We've also started doing a few tests through the GP to try and work out the source of our infertility. In the past, doctors have put it down to my weight, but while I'm working on the weight part I also want to make sure that there is no underlying issue from either of us that will also need to be taken into consideration.<br />
<br />
So things are looking a little brighter this week.<br />
If only I could afford to quit the job ;)Paper Butterflyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15917710909746254874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5437322348149355992.post-22611266158869216712015-03-03T17:54:00.000-08:002015-03-03T23:18:56.480-08:00My First AdjustmentLast Wednesday I had my post-op checkup with my surgeon. It was quick, I was in and out in just a few minutes. Once he checked that the incisions were healing nicely (they are), he said he would put some fluid in so that I can start to feel some restriction.<br />
I was surprised as all the information I had said that the first fill is usually done between 4-6 weeks after the band is placed and here I was, only 2 and a half weeks out from surgery. So it was a good surprise, especially since moving onto normal food I had been feeling hungry all the time. In the week before my post-op appointment I had put back on some weight and was sitting at 139.9kg (almost back to the weight I was on surgery day).<br />
<br />
<h3>
Some In and Some Back Out</h3>
<br />
He didn't have any trouble finding the port and the needle didn't hurt very much at all. Before I knew it, he was asking me to take a drink of water. Unfortunately, that first drink didn't go down very easily, so he took out a little of the fluid again.<br />
So now I'm not sure exactly how much is in there, but I don't mind. The good thing is that I have definitely noticed a bit of a difference in the last week. I'm less hungry and finding that smaller meals are satisfying me. I've lost 2.7kg and I'm really happy with that. I've really been trying to stick to smaller meals and less snacking.<br />
<br />
<h3>
Apps for Tracking</h3>
<br />
I've been tracking my food through the MyFitnessPal app on my phone. This is less to track the calories and more just to have a record of what I've been eating.<br />
<br />
Have to say that I am really liking the app. I find it handy as it links to my Fitbit Flex and it's really been easy to use.<br />
It also links to our Fitbit Aria scales, so my weight is automatically recorded and my weight loss is tracked in graphs and stuff. Very cool.<br />
Anyway, I think I'll do a whole post on the apps I use soon.<br />
<br />
<h3>
It's an Addiction :(</h3>
<br />
I've been noticing for a while now that I am definitely addicted to food and need more help than my friends and family can give me.<br />
I've been looking a different avenues for seeing a therapist or counsellor as I need help in working out how I can break these habits and stop reaching for chocolate and fatty foods when I'm feeling down or stressed. I have a few options that have been suggested to me - a mental health care plan through my GP and the Employee Assistance Program that is available at my workplace. Both only offer coverage for a few sessions each though, so it's still something I have to think about more.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<h3>
Upcoming Changes</h3>
<br />
On another note, I want to start adding other things to this blog. I'm finding that there are not many day to day changes, so not that much that I can report. I'm going to start with adding some of the recipes that I've been coming up with. P is vegetarian and I'm not, but I do eat lots of meat-free meals so that we can have the same thing for dinner - plus they are really yummy!<br />
So I'll add both vegetarian and non-vegetarian meal ideas that I've found are band friendly.<br />
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<div style="color: #a4a4a4; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.6999998092651px; line-height: 15.6000003814697px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 10px;">~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~</span></div>
<div style="color: #a4a4a4; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.6999998092651px; line-height: 15.6000003814697px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 10px;"><span style="color: grey;"><span style="font-family: 'lucida sans unicode', 'lucida grande', sans-serif;">Highest Weight = <strong>153.2kg</strong> (August 2014)</span></span></span></div>
<div style="color: #a4a4a4; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.6999998092651px; line-height: 15.6000003814697px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 10px;"><span style="color: grey;"><span style="font-family: 'lucida sans unicode', 'lucida grande', sans-serif;">Optifast Starting Weight = <strong>148kg</strong> (January 16, 2015)</span></span></span></div>
<div style="color: #a4a4a4; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.6999998092651px; line-height: 15.6000003814697px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 10px;"><span style="color: grey;"><span style="font-family: 'lucida sans unicode', 'lucida grande', sans-serif;">Surgery Date = <strong>140.6kg</strong> (February 6, 2015)</span></span></span></div>
<div style="color: #a4a4a4; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.6999998092651px; line-height: 15.6000003814697px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 10px;"><span style="color: grey;"><span style="font-family: 'lucida sans unicode', 'lucida grande', sans-serif;">First Goal Weight =<strong> 99kg</strong> </span></span></span></div>
<div style="color: #a4a4a4; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.6999998092651px; line-height: 15.6000003814697px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 10px;"><span style="color: grey;"><span style="font-family: 'lucida sans unicode', 'lucida grande', sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div style="color: #a4a4a4; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.6999998092651px; line-height: 15.6000003814697px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 10px;"><span style="color: grey;"><span style="font-family: 'lucida sans unicode', 'lucida grande', sans-serif;">Current weight = <b>137.2kg</b> (March 4, 2015)</span></span></span></div>
<div style="color: #a4a4a4; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.6999998092651px; line-height: 15.6000003814697px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 10px;">~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~</span></div>
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<br />Paper Butterflyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15917710909746254874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5437322348149355992.post-68708195442920898112015-02-15T19:21:00.002-08:002015-03-03T17:58:54.043-08:00The other sideI am now 11 days post surgery.<br />
<br />
I went through a lot of anxiety in the lead up to the surgery, wondering if I'd done the right thing or if the band was the right type of weight loss surgery for me. Luckily, I was also very busy finishing off work so that I could go on leave, so it made it harder to dwell on what was coming up.<br />
<br />
The day of the surgery, we arrived at the hospital just after 7am and I was admitted straight away and taken to my room. Then came the waiting. I found out that I was 4th on my doctor's list for the morning, so I wouldn't get taken up to surgery until 11am or so.<br />
I was sharing a room with another lady getting the same surgery that morning, but she was either first or second on the list so she was taken away fairly quickly.<br />
The wait was the hardest. That did give me time to worry, but it was too late to back out :)<br />
I hate waking from anaesthetic and that was what I worried about the most. Unfortunately, it wasn't the best experience, but I was back in my room fairly soon.<br />
<br />
I spent the night in the hospital and the nurses there were all amazing. I didn't sleep well though and was keen to get home. I was up early and moving and ready to go when P came to get me in the morning. Then it was just waiting for the surgeon to visit before I got the all clear to go home.<br />
When he came to see me, he said everything had gone well, so that was a relief. I had been worried that they would have trouble with my liver not shrinking enough in the Optifast period or that they would maybe find a hernia or something, but nope, all good.<br />
The lady that I'd shared the room with had not done so well since surgery, suffering from a lot of nausea. She was still there when I left, but I hope that she is doing much better now.<br />
<br />
At home, I was in more pain than I'd expected for the first 4 or 5 days. I had some trouble sitting and standing, changing position while sitting and with laying down.<br />
I wished that we had a recliner or something for me to sleep in as even now, laying down is something that's not too comfortable.<br />
<br />
The first few days were great, food-wise. I was not feeling hungry at all and I lost nearly 4kg in the first week. But after that my hunger came back and I've been able to drink more. I was totally over veggies from the optifast diet and so unfortunately I have been having quite a few milk based drinks every day, as well as ice cream. I think that's been boosting my calories enough that I haven't lost anymore weight since.<br />
This week in the lead up to going back to work I will be gradually moving back to a low calorie diet, focusing on high protein and low carb.<br />
<br />
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<div style="color: #a4a4a4; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.6999998092651px; line-height: 15.6000003814697px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 10px;">~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~</span></div>
<div style="color: #a4a4a4; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.6999998092651px; line-height: 15.6000003814697px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 10px;"><span style="color: grey;"><span style="font-family: 'lucida sans unicode', 'lucida grande', sans-serif;">Highest Weight = <strong>153.2kg</strong> (August 2014)</span></span></span></div>
<div style="color: #a4a4a4; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.6999998092651px; line-height: 15.6000003814697px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 10px;"><span style="color: grey;"><span style="font-family: 'lucida sans unicode', 'lucida grande', sans-serif;">Optifast Starting Weight = <strong>148kg</strong> (January 16, 2015)</span></span></span></div>
<div style="color: #a4a4a4; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.6999998092651px; line-height: 15.6000003814697px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 10px;"><span style="color: grey;"><span style="font-family: 'lucida sans unicode', 'lucida grande', sans-serif;">Surgery Date = <strong>140.6kg</strong> (February 6, 2015)</span></span></span></div>
<div style="color: #a4a4a4; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.6999998092651px; line-height: 15.6000003814697px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 10px;"><span style="color: grey;"><span style="font-family: 'lucida sans unicode', 'lucida grande', sans-serif;">First Goal Weight =<strong> 99kg</strong> </span></span></span></div>
<div style="color: #a4a4a4; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.6999998092651px; line-height: 15.6000003814697px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 10px;"><span style="color: grey;"><span style="font-family: 'lucida sans unicode', 'lucida grande', sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div style="color: #a4a4a4; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.6999998092651px; line-height: 15.6000003814697px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 10px;"><span style="color: grey;"><span style="font-family: 'lucida sans unicode', 'lucida grande', sans-serif;">Current weight = <b>136.8kg</b> (February 16, 2015)</span></span></span></div>
<div style="color: #a4a4a4; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.6999998092651px; line-height: 15.6000003814697px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 10px;">~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~</span></div>
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<br />Paper Butterflyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15917710909746254874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5437322348149355992.post-84749675372526973612015-01-22T17:26:00.001-08:002015-03-03T17:59:31.709-08:002 weeks todaySo I'm one week into the pre-op diet set by the surgeon and dietician.<br />
It's a very strict diet and consists of 3 optifast shakes, bars or desserts, at least two cups of non-starchy veggies and a small serve of fruit.<br />
It is REALLY hard, especially those first few days. The thing that has pushed me is the importance of making sure that my liver is in the best condition possible, to help with the surgery and also with the recovery.<br />
<br />
I've lost 7.1kg in the past week. Woo hoo! That feels great.<br />
I'm guessing a lot of that is water weight, as I've noticed swelling I've had in my legs and ankles for a long time is finally going away. Another plus! So that's 11.1kg lost in total since I first went to the surgeon in August (I had lost about 10kg up until Christmas when we slipped back into old habits again).<br />
<br />
I did plan on sticking to the pre-op diet 100% but I have to admit, cravings overcame me yesterday and I ended up caving a little. I made sure I still stuck in my strict calorie limit, but I had a chicken sandwich and both bread and meat are not on my pre-op diet.<br />
Oh well, I pulled it back and got back on track straightaway, so I'm proud of that. In the past I might have been tempted to say "Well, that's it, I've blown it." and throw it all in. It will be 'baby' steps in this. I know I will mess up every once in a while. You don't get to be my size without having serious issues with food that also need to be worked on. I'm just taking it one day at a time.<br />
<br />
I still have two weeks to go on this diet. 14 days. I can do it.<br />
It's only the start of my journey and it will be a long one, I know that. I've just got to find ways to keep the motivation up.Paper Butterflyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15917710909746254874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5437322348149355992.post-23679603739583092502015-01-07T00:45:00.001-08:002015-03-03T18:00:15.779-08:001 month to go!It's officially 1 month until my surgery! 30 days. So this time next month, I will probably be out of recovery. The nerves are definitely starting but I'm also very excited!<br />
<br />
In preparation for starting the pre-op diet I have to do (3 weeks of Optifast), I have started replacing a couple of meals each day with the low calorie shakes I will be taking during the diet, just to try and work my way up to the full-blown diet I'll have to follow for a few weeks.<br />
Starting a diet after New Year seems so cliché, but I'm thinking that's maybe a good thing for me. That way if someone asks at work, I can just say that my resolution this year is to get healthier. I have told a couple of my work friends that I am getting a Lap Band, but I don't want everyone to know. At least not until I've dropped a lot of this weight. I'm a bit worried that having everyone know will be a little too much pressure.<br />
<br />
Ok, will write more soon...<br />
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<br />Paper Butterflyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15917710909746254874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5437322348149355992.post-69861475890910931782014-12-05T16:02:00.001-08:002014-12-05T16:02:36.088-08:00Surgery ClearanceFor some reason I've been reluctant to post lately. I guess I've been trying to work out how much information/detail I wanted to give on a blog that's published on the Internet. In the end, I've decided that this is mainly for me anyway and there's no point in doing it if I'm not being totally honest, so I'm going to go for it.<br />
<br />
I've attended a few appointments in the last few weeks, in the lead up to being cleared for surgery.<br />
As part of the surgeon's requirements, I had to attend a seminar with a dietician, see a psychologist and see a physician.<br />
<br />
I saw the psychologist first. She was great. I had to answer a whole bunch of questions about my weight and my history. It was a whole lot more emotional than I was expecting. I guess a lot of my weight issue is tied up with emotions. I know I eat when I'm emotional, but it can be any emotion, I can be happy, sad, bored, stressed or whatever, and I'll eat to feel better.<br />
I've suffered from anxiety and depression in the past, and had a pretty bad relationship that did not help. She also offered to see me again in the future, if things are getting hard. I might just take her up on that.<br />
<br />
The dietician's seminar was a great information source about the surgery and clearing up any misinformation we might have been given or read somewhere. I ended up buying a set of books from her with information that should be useful post-surgery. I'm even feeling better about having to do an Optifast (very low calorie shake/bar/dessert) diet for 3 weeks before surgery. I've tried the shakes before and I think they are awful, but 3 weeks is not the end of the world. I can do it.<br />
<br />
The last one was the physician. I have suffered from sleep apnoea for the last 7 or so years, and use a CPAP machine to help keep my airways open while I sleep. When I initially went for a sleep study all those years ago, I was told I had severe <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obstructive_sleep_apnea" target="_blank">sleep apnoea</a>. This basically means that the number of times I stop breathing during an hour of sleep is enough to be considered severe. What I didn't know is that anything over 30 events per hour is classed as severe. Mine was 156!<br />
I was able to take a machine home with me that logs data to make sure my settings on my CPAP are correct. Luckily they are all fine, so no extra tests needed. Yay!<br />
<br />
I also had to go for an ultrasound of my heart as my physician detected a murmur. This was the thing that freaked me out the most, however it is all fine. They've decided that it is not due to any blockages, so I'm all good to go for my surgery.<br />
<br />
Now I'm just waiting for the date I start Optifast to arrive (January 16) and my pre-surgery appointment with the surgeon (January 28) and I should be ready. 8 weeks and counting!<br />
<br />
<br />Paper Butterflyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15917710909746254874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5437322348149355992.post-33459586544414185142014-10-26T17:40:00.000-07:002015-03-03T18:02:27.222-08:00A Journey Starts with a Single StepIt's ironic, isn't it? You spend years trying not to get pregnant, because 'the time isn't right', 'we haven't saved enough' or 'we should wait until after we're married'. Then when all those things are taken care of, you stop trying not to get pregnant and you start actively trying...and then nothing happens. Some people are lucky and it happens in a reasonable amount of time (like a friend of mine who fell pregnant their first month trying). For others, like me, it doesn't seem like it will ever happen...<br />
<br />
We thought we'd wait a while before seeing a doctor - maybe we just needed more practice? Maybe my body is still getting used to being off the pill? Maybe we didn't try at the right times this month? So we waited to see the doctor. The next time I was in for something else I thought I would just bring it up. I still remember the look she gave me and the words she said "I think if you lost some weight it will just happen on it's own."<br />
<br />
I hadn't thought my weight would be that much of an issue. Sure I was very overweight. More than very. At over 150kg, I was easily in the Morbidly Obese category in those charts you see. But I remember thinking "But I see very overweight mothers all the time". I hadn't considered that my weight might be stopping us from having the one thing we wanted so desperately - to have a family.<br />
<br />
Over the next year or so, I tried pretty hard to diet and lose some weight. I would lose close to 5kg and then put it back on. It was an endless loop. Meanwhile, things at work were stressful and I was finding things all the time to distract me from our baby goal.<br />
<br />
We went to a seminar for IVF and found out that I wouldn't even be treated because of my weight. A healthy weight is one of the first criteria to come up every time. I understand the reasons why, it just makes me sad to think about because up until this point, losing enough weight to be in the 'healthy range' just seemed unrealistic for someone that has been overweight all of their life.<br />
According to Weight Watchers, my goal weight for my height is 47-52kg. If that's not a way to feel defeated right from the start, I don't know what is.<br />
<br />
A couple of doctors along the way suggested gastric banding (also known as lap banding) and it honestly scared the crap out of me. The thought of being cut open, to put a device around my stomach to restrict my eating, is very scary.<br />
<br />
It wasn't until around March, when P said that his doctor had given him a referral to see a surgeon to talk about a gastric sleeve operation, that I considered surgery again. When I found out in July that I was pre-diabetic, that's when I made a decision to go and see a surgeon myself.<br />
<br />
I am now about 3 months away from lap band surgery. I got my surgery date the other day - February 6, 2015. It's scary and exciting but I'm hoping it will be the thing to turn our lives around and help us realise our dream of becoming parents. Actually, not just becoming parents, but being healthy, happy and energetic parents of a couple of rugrats. That would be unreal.<br />
<br />
Anyway, although this blog is really just for me to get my thoughts out there, I hope I can maybe meet a few people and get to chatting with you. So feel free to leave me comments - just be gentle please! :-)<br />
<br />Paper Butterflyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15917710909746254874noreply@blogger.com0